No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thus making me awesome and them whores
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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