He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
