i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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