omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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