This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
