I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
