Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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