The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
