Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
