I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just threw up on my dentist
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
