VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i love accidental penises.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
