just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he thought i was a dude.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
