At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
