my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can you bring me the toilet please
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize