Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
