My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
