We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Couch. On fire.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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