soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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