Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
