I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
