I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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