she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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