I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
