I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
