New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize