My friends, they love my intelligence
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
