thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
