I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize