i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
