That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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