You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
