you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
