I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
