i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
