Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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