I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
