I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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