yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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