Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
