i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want a musical about memes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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