And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
