and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
