i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
