dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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