Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
