he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Two words: nipple clamps
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