3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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