Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am available for nakedness
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
