So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
