stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
