I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And then my night got REAL pukey
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
