my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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