I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize