You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
