yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize