someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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