Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
