Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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