just tell him i said nine months
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
