he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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