I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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