Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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