i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love you. Go after that dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
