I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize