How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize