i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
