is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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