U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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